Another Mother's Day has come and gone and billions of dollars of merchandising and propaganda have paid off. Some mothers do no deserve celebration, but under the umbrella of profit and guilt all require some sort of remuneration for passing the lizard creature through the birth canal (or abdominal slice) in a shower of blood, mucus and urine to the outside world. I have to give my wife at least a Mother's Day card or she will be offended. My mother is taking a dirt nap, but no matter, all mothers are to be celebrated and acknowledged with cash or gifts or society will collapse.
I propose changing the name of the day from Mother's Day to Good Mother's Day. Only good mothers will be feted. This will reduce the insincere payouts on the second Sunday of May to only the deserving mothers. The children will be the final arbitrators of which mothers will be celebrated. Bad or mediocre mothers will get nothing. Mothers who favored one child over the others will only receive gifts from the favored one. This will put the pressure of performance on the mothers themselves. They will have to suck up to their children in the same way children need to behave in the weeks leading up to Christmas to ensure the largess of the day. We don't need to celebrate crack-head, obese welfare mothers whose sole purpose in propagating to ensure the steady flow of checks from social services and after the children come of age to inflict guilt to extort money. Mothers will be assessed to the mothering skills and judged on those skills. Found wanting, they will be ignored. Found exceeding their children's arbitrary standards, they will be rewarded. This will be just and fitting and will eventually lead to the second Sunday of May being just another carefree day devoid of yet another mandatory social beguilement.
Of course, to be fair, Father's Day will be subject to the aforementioned, but may be hardly noticed.
